Blogspiration came to me when Momo asked via Twitter if anyone believed in 'love at first sight' or in a 'soul mate.' I vehemently responded "NO and NO." Wild Child said "Lust at first at sight and more than one soul mate" and then proceeded to call me a cynic.
I am single. I chose to be single. When I ended my relationship with my ex fourteen months ago I knew what I was getting into. I was warned by my girlfriends that were single at the time that dating in NYC is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad thing. I didn't care; I was unhappy with my current situation and excited to be single again.
And boy has it been fun.
It isn't so much that I don't believe in love. I love my family. I have best friends that I love. I have a dog who I love and who loves me back unconditionally. My parents are still married and in love and both sets of grandparents were never divorced. Most recently I have best friends that have gotten engaged and their happiness proves that loving someone enough to spend the rest of your life with them is possible. But did they find their 'soulmate'? Andy Warhol wondered, "if it's possible to have a love affair that lasts forever." Honestly I'd like to answer yes.
But when you get down to the nitty gritty I just don't think its for me. It's important to remember that I was in two relationships that lasted around three years so it isn't like I don't have experience with that. It's just that men these days bore me so easily. Here's what happens - I will meet a guy, we will get to know each other and if I find them intriguing then more talking, perhaps on a deeper more intimate level, will ensue. That's when they think I want a relationship and the games begin; subsequently, I lose interest immediately. The flip side is things move too fast and then my commitment fear kicks in and those guys don't stand a chance. Wild Child has coined men these days 'man-boys' and has written a terrific post about them HERE.
It's almost like the whole 'lets just get to know each other and hang out' stage doesn't exist anymore. It was certainly cool in college. Either they come on too strong, or they think all women are the same - we want to marry them immediately, after knowing them for like two minutes. Talk about having major egos - which naturally makes them all the more sexy, naturally.
Women like me make it tough for men that actually like us. They need to find that perfect balance of romance to satisfy our needs as a female combined with just the right amount of doucheness to keep us intrigued. I recently told my male friend DL that I can not stand overly nice guys and actually like it when a guy is a dick sometimes. He responded with "F*ck you B*tch get over here now." His point was crystal clear. Men need to understand that there is a huge difference between being slightly arrogant and cocky versus being a total douchelord.
I always tell Wild Child that I want to be a successful business woman. One who, if I do end up meeting a man who doesn't bore me and I marry, will be financially independent of her husband. In the meantime however, I'd like to make a lot of money and travel and have a lover in every city.
My friend Mamacita is one of those single women ready for a husband and to settle down. She is a huge advocate of online dating services since the men in this city (and it seems in most other cities too) totally suck. These sites are not for me. I am not against them in any way and I know that they prove to be very successful. It's just not my style. I did however check out Match.com tonight since I am battling with a terrible bout of insomnia. For FREE I was able to pick and choose very specific qualities I wanted in a man. Some may find that like totally awesome, I think its like totally freaky. I mean why don't I just type in MARK SANCHEZ. If only...
Aside from your standard A/S/L (I'm hoping you all remember AOL chatrooms and know what that means) I answered these questions:
Height: 5'11"-6'4" Body Type: Slender, Athletic/Toned
Hair and Eye Color: I chose 'any' for both - come on I'm not that superficial.
Sports: I am a spaz so I am no good at sports - but I like them.
Common Interests: Reads books, likes music, likes to travel...
Marital Status: Um, I am 26 so 'never married' thanks.
Religion: Agnostic/Athiest would be the most convenient Jewish would make my mom happy.
Then there are political views, language and level of education: Please speak English, and if you are going to actually have a political view at least have a B.A. and be intelligent enough to defend your side.
Lifestyle was probably the easiest: Non-smoker, social drinker, gym rat, has no kids but wants kids and likes dogs because I have one.
Occupation: JUST HAVE A JOB.
Holy Crap! I can choose 'Salary Range'! Who would pick the lowest? 150k+ please, thanks.
Zodiac Sign: Anything but Gemini - haha jk Wild Child - I love you girl.
Finally an 'optional' Keyword box: Dougie
No matches. Shocking. I guess my 'soulmate' isn't on that site.
Soulmate believers will say that I just haven't met mine yet. That's like saying, "everything works out in the end, if it hasn't worked out its not the end" or however that bullshit saying goes. If you believe in that, then you believe in fate and you believe that everything is already predetermined. If that's the case then we have absolutely no freewill which is a terrifying realization. The best defense people have told me with regards to this statement comes from the movie Can't Hardly Wait "Fate! There is such a thing as fate, but it only takes you so far. Then it's up to you to make it happen." You know who says that? The character is called 'Angel Stripper.' It is a totally bogus load of crap.
If anyone knows a dude that's at least 5'11, is thin/athletic, likes sports, likes music, reads, has never been married, is Jewish but not religious, speaks English, is intelligent, graduated from college, doesn't smoke cigarettes, drinks socially, wants kids, is a gym rat, likes dogs, and has a job and can Dougie - send 'em my way.
I feel like that describes every boring man I know. I'm lucky I'm pretty because it looks like I won't be settling down anytime soon.