Attack Of The Pigeons!!

Springtime is the time of year when flowers start to bloom, trees start to turn green again and animals give birth. If you live in the suburbs than you have an abundance of adorable little critters running around. But, if you live in New York City than you are very blessed with an abundance of  baby pigeons, rats and squirrels. For the purpose of this story, I am going to focus on the most beautiful of all birds - THE PIGEON.
These creatures hang out in New York City, shit everywhere and most recently have decided to chill outside of my roommate Eve's (thanks Sabotage for helping me with the nickname) window. Eve is a vegetarian and very much against the harming of animals but she is getting annoyed because the pigeons are waking her up very early in the morning everyday. She has been placing numerous calls to our Super and to the Super's assistant for some time now and they have gone unanswered until this past Monday.  According to the S.A. I'm An Idiot, Eve has a pigeon's nest under her air-conditioner.  She asked IAI if it can be removed.  Something apparently got lost in translation because the nest is still there and poor Eve keeps being woken up at 6:30am by the chirping, squealing and fluttering of disgusting pigeons. 

As she is telling this story, almost on the verge of tears from being so effing pissed off, I have the ingenious idea to go to our courtyard and throw stones at the nest until it falls. PROBLEM SOLVED.  Of course I can not be the one to throw the stones. Not that I am against hurting the pigeons (sorry PETA people) but because I am a SPAZ and I am afraid I might break a window or something (that is if I can even throw the stone that high or far). Eve wasn't cool with that idea until yesterday.  She really just can't take it anymore!

Sabatoge offered two ideas that don't involve the harming of the pigeons. #1 - we should get one of those fake owl things to scare them away. #2 - Eve should tell the Super she has some kind of crazy allergy towards all kinds of birds and their poop.

If those don't work - I vote for stone throwing.

The way I feel about killing animals is similar to the way Kelly Bensimon feels about fur.

“PETA isn’t saying, ‘Don’t wear fur.’ PETA is saying, ‘Don’t abuse animals.’ And I’m not abusing animals. I’m just wearing fur … Do I wear fur? Yes. Do I support the abuse of animals? No.” 
As dumb as she sounds, I kind of understand it.  I don't want to hurt animals.  I am not a vegetarian by any standards nor am I kosher because I absolutely love the taste of bacon.  But I won't eat veal because I am very much against the torture of the poor little cows.  AND I have absolutely NO problem throwing stones at a pigeon's nest so my roommate can get some sleep!!

Do any of you have any ideas how to get rid of the pigeons? Any volunteers to throw stones?  Eve's boyfriend Adam is away for a few more days and desperate times call for desperate measures!!!

I'll keep you posted on what happens. If this matter doesn't get solved by the weekend I may have to attempt to throw the stones myself.  A video will definitely be included for your enjoyment.


  1. HA

    adam and eve!

    where did you get this picture of KBSimon and the lopsided boobs? whats going on with her chest?

  2. hahaha!! if you watch RHofNYC she gets made fun of for that. She should've went to my doctor LOL!

  3. I suggest that you dress in a sexy pigeon outfit and seductively lure the pigeons out of their nest...just like in old bugs bunny cartoons!

  4. aside from gregory, you are all missing the point of my post. its about the brutal murdering of pigeons. not kbsimon's crooked and ugly boobies.

  5. OMG -- get the crooked boobs covered -- would rather look at pigeons.