Am I A Weirdo If I Alphabetize My Spice Rack?

My roommate, DG, seems to think so. I don't know if this is an O.C.D. habit that I picked up from living with AB for 3 years in college and 2 years post college, but something compelled me to alphabetize my spices and to reorganize the refrigerator so that it looks like supermarket shelves. Perhaps I just have way too much free time. My friend AS told me that i should
"read more"
As if I don't read.
My current reading list, yes, a list, because as most of my good friends know I am always reading more than one book at once, is as follows:

1. The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls (because it doesn't matter how big of a SPAZ I am, my life will never be as crazy has hers)
2. The History of Sexuality - Volume 1 by Michel Foucault (because Foucault is a genius and if you don't think so, then Foucault You! LOL - RK - I miss Western Philosophy class)
3. 1984 by George Orwell (Reading this for the 3rd time - it's in my top 2 favorites of all time - RK you should read it again with me)

I will post a picture of my spices tomorrow :)

It's Snowing And The Snow Flakes Are Huge And The Traffic Sucked

So far today I've been pretty lucky; I haven't done anything SPAZZY - or at least nothing SPAZZY enough worth mentioning.

I did however encounter annoying as hell gridlock this morning on Delancey.


Who's The Bigger Spaz? Me Or Parker (My 14 Month Old Wheaten Terrier)?

I watch a lot of TV, some might say too much, but on Tuesday nights, since I am not the biggest American Idol fan nor do I watch Lost or the Olympics, I really have nothing going on. So in order to keep myself occupied I decided to try once again to teach Parker how to play Fetch. Usually I have to throw him his toy and then wrestle him for it back only to have the same thing happen over and over again. Definition of insanity??

So tonight we were going to play Fetch, like for real. I took his favorite ball and threw it across my apartment. Parker just stared after it. I ran to the ball and brought it back. I did this for about 10 minutes before I realized I was essentially playing Fetch with myself, while my silly puppy sat and watched.

When telling this story to my friend RR he simply replied
"Haha Idiot"
Thanks RR.

So I ask, who is the bigger SPAZ? The human who plays Fetch with themselves? (ME) or The dog who has no clue wtf is going on? (PARKER)
That vote is totally not going to work out in my favor.

Adderall Muscles Or How I Broke 2 Mirrors In 2.5 Months

Adderall Muscles are similar to Beer Goggles, whereas Beer Goggles refer to the phenomenon that occurs when someone drinks alcohol and suddenly terribly unattractive people become beautiful, Adderall Muscles occur when someone eats Adderall and suddenly even the most heavy/difficult/strenuous of tasks become easy/light/enjoyable.

Mirror Break #1 - October 28th, 2009
When I moved from my old apartment to my current place I decided to move some things over before the movers came to take my furniture. I ate an Adderall, courtesy of my old roomie AB, and packed a bunch of suitcases to load into my parents' truck along with some lightweight furniture and the full length mirror that was mounted behind my bedroom door. My super strong Dad unloaded the truck and lugged 3 very heavy suitcases up 3 very steep flights of stairs to my new apartment so that my waiting mother could unpack them. Me, being the useless SPAZ that I am wasn't doing much of anything (this was impart due to a small battle I was fighting with Vertigo).

That's when I remembered the mirror! It wasn't heavy and only slightly awkward to carry due to its length. I brought it all the way up the 3 flights and by the time I made it to my front door both me and my mirror were unscathed. SUCCESS! ehh not so much. I slowly opened the front door and, lo and behold, I SMASHED the mirror on the, I SWEAR never before seen, marble floor molding that is so nicely placed at the entrance to my apartment.

Conclusion: Broken glass was everywhere...

Mirror Break #2 - January 14th, 2010
Today I ate an Adderall and decided that I would be really great at carpentry, yes, carpentry, as in the trade of a carpenter. I broke out the tools that my new roomie DG and I have in our makeshift toolbox and got to work on hanging curtains in our living room and my bedroom. These tasks were completed semi-successfully as everything is still hanging, just not so nicely.

My final task was to hang a mirror in my bedroom. This mirror was chilling in my living room since November and was wrapped very securely in cardboard by the movers. I ever so gently unwrapped it and even managed to get clean it without causing any type of destruction. I lifted the mirror off of the floor and placed it on my bed. That's when, to my surprise, I heard a shatter. I look down only to find that my SPAZZY self didn't just place the mirror on my bed, but rather I placed it directly on top of the hammer that was already laying there.

Conclusion: Broken glass all over my bed...

If It's Raining And There Is No Traffic; Why Not Create Your Own Detour?

Typically when it rains as hard as it did this morning I like to leave my apartment 10-15 minutes earlier than usual to avoid traffic and potentially being late to work. However, on this particular morning I also decided to take a new route. I live downtown and always take either Bowery or 2nd Avenue to Delancey and then head on over the Williamsburg Bridge to get me to Long Island.

Today, however, I decided to see where Avenue B would lead me to. Sure enough, because I am a SPAZ, and things just don't work out for me, I was lead to a "Do Not Enter” sign after Houston.

Instead of doing what any normal person would do at this point, i.e. make a right and head towards 2nd Ave to get to Delancey, I needed to satisfy my curiosity and continued on my journey east. I ended up so far east on Houston that I was in a land of streets I had never before heard of: Attorney, Ridge, Pitt, Sheriff, and Columbia.

Having now wasted a solid 10 minutes of my morning commute, (the amount of time I left early to avoid a traffic jam) I realized, after turning right on Columbia and making it to Delancey, that the SPAZ that I am managed to be 8 streets east of the entrance to the bridge!! And of course you cannot make legal U-turns on Delancey!

So, I was forced to head west until I recognized a street name that I could turn around on. I chose to do a Clinton - Rivington - Suffolk route, but then Oh no! No left turns onto Delancey from Suffolk! So now, having wasted 15 minutes of my morning commute I am now back on Delancey heading west. This time I managed to do a little Norfolk - Rivington - Essex maneuver and successfully made it to the bridge and arrived at work a mere 25 minutes late.

Lesson learned - if you are a SPAZ - do not try new routes in the rain, or probably ever.

For further enjoyment I have attached a map of my journey out of Manhattan: (you can click on it to make it larger)


As If That Wasn't Enough...

My printer stopped working, so I tried to troubleshoot it. I am fairly good with computers/technology, or so I thought. After about five minutes of trying everything I could think of I realized the power was off on the printer. It was as though the SPAZ in me completely forgot I had only a few moments ago shut off the power strip. I will close with some wise words from my friend JB after hearing about my printer incident
"wow- can't make this stuff up."

Office Incident

Today I decided it would be a good idea to better organize my 4x5ft cubicle. I had a stack of folders on the floor behind my chair and I wanted them to be under my desk. Instead of placing them there like any normal human being, the SPAZ that I am, threw them underneath. And with exact precision, as though it was done on purpose, they landed directly on the on/off switch on the power strip that makes my computer work. This guaranteed complete loss of everything I was working on, because in the life of a SPAZ, auto recovery never seems to work like it's supposed to.