DBall has been my best friend for many years now but we got very close when we broke up with our college boyfriends and started getting into all kinds of trouble in 2004. We used to go by the nicknames Starsky and Hutch (the Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson version). She was Starsky, the uptight play by the rules cop and I was Hutch, the cool and easygoing member of the duo. The joke of it is, that DBall only appears to be uptight and rule following. When you first meet her she may seem like a Miranda type (minus the ugly red hair and being a lesbian) because she is a successful business woman and would probably get married and have a baby now if her boyfriend was up for it. But, in reality, DBall is one crazy mofo.
DBall and I try to get together at least once a month to catch up on each others lives over dinner and drinks. Recently these nights have not been as wild and crazy as they were when we were in college. But last Wednesday, we went wild. Literally.
We started out our night with a lovely dinner at La Esquina where prim and proper DBall told me about a charity she was involved with where she helps out underprivileged children. This was funny to me because DBall doesn't know how to relate to small children. She is one way - prim, proper and mature - and that is it. She talks to babies, animals and small children like she would to an adult.
At her last event she was paired up with a sweet little girl from the inner city. They got off on a really great foot because DBall's first question was about the little girl's parents. The girl replied that she lives with her grandma because her mom is dead and she doesn't know her dad. Nice one D.
The activity of the day involved making a bunny to commemorate Easter. The girl was a bit of sped and tried to put what should be the bunny's foot as its nose. DBall says to this little girl:
Don't do that! The foot is too big to be the nose. If you put it there, this little bunny will want to have a nose job when she grows up.I swear to G-d that is what she told this girl. In response the girl asked what a nose job was. My very mature best friend replied with a very technical definition:
People get nose jobs when they aren't happy with the way their nose looks. Like, see I have a bump in my nose and want to get a nose job. So I would go to the doctor and he would cut open my nose, shave down the bump and then put it back together again.The little girl was horrified. You're Lucky You're Pretty DBall.
La Esquina is a Mexican restaurant that serves Tequila Flights. So after dinner DBall and I were pretty bombed and decided it was best not to go home, but rather continue our night out. I'm really not sure how it happened. But we basically bar hopped around the East Village and our final destination was the one and only Mars Bar.
Yes, the dive bar that I said I presumed was worse than prison and was probably owned by the devil himself. While there I made friends with a 41 year old Israeli and because he was from Israel I assumed he knew Hebrew and immediately proceeded to sing him my Haftorah. I didn't even know I still remembered it - but the Israeli was impressed and was even able to determine when my birthday was based on the content of the Torah portion. I also managed to make friends with the woman in the picture below because I thought her tattoo was pretty and I wanted to touch it.
(for some reason I can't upload this picture) - go to this site to view -
I am also now best friends with the bartender, Popeye (like the sailor man - I asked), who I told about my first horrifying experience at his bar. He promised I will be under his protection if I ever choose to go back there again. Gee, thanks Popeye...