Stanley, You Don't Make Enough Time For Me Anymore OR Why My Friends Are Lucky They're Pretty

Tales from this past weekend...

Meet Jessica Simpson.

I have known JS most of my life but we became close around November of 2009.  JS currently lives on the UES and has never really ventured downtown, other than to go to FiDi, before becoming friends with me.

JS came to meet myself and Momo for brunch on Saturday with our friend Cherry. This was Momo's first time meeting JS and her first time really getting acquainted with Cherry.

JS says into her cell phone "Stanley, you don't make enough time for anymore..." Momo says "Is that your boyfriend?" JS replies, no, Stanley is my hair dresser.

We decided to have brunch downtown by me because it was so nice out and I wanted to take Parker to play at the dog park.  So after lunch we go over and this, I think, was JS's first time ever stepping foot in a dog park.  She was on the phone with someone and I hear her say, "Parker's cute, he's like white with brown highlights."

Then, while on our way out of the park JS decides the scene would make for a great photo op. We ask a random stranger to take our photo - JS  says, "Can you back up a little bit, a little bit more. I'm having a fat day."  We all are SO FAR AWAY in this photo its ridiculous.

Momo needs underwear, preferably Hanky Pankys.  JS says "Momo, we are in the East Village, you have to go to at least 57th street if you want that."

As we continue towards my apartment to put my dog away so we can go to another bar, Parker starts drinking water from a communal dog bowl that a store put outside.  JS asked me how I could possibly allow my dog to drink that water, I mean, he could get herpes!!

Oh my dear, sweet Jessica Simpson you definitely are Lucky You're Pretty!!

Meet Momo.

Momo is a new friend of mine and I am really surprised she has not been blogged about yet.  We met at a mutual friend's birthday party in January and IMMEDIATELY fell in love, although I like to tell people I just randomly met her on the street and we clicked (it's a better story). Momo is totally fun, up for anything and always ready to party. She's from Ohio and has curly hair which means her name could actually be Thelma, right AB?   Her only flaw (which really isn't a flaw at all) is that she may in fact be a bigger Spaz than yours truly.

Since Momo and I became friends:

She and I have stayed at the bars wayy after last call until we are literally kicked out and the lights are on. I have learned that Momo prefers to 'pre-bar' not 'pre-game' until around 1am and stay at the bars until we are forced to leave and then have late night dinners at various 24hour joints around NYC.

She was kicked out of a bar the very same night I was; but she was in DC while I was in NY.

We ventured to DUMBO last Friday with DBall and Momo's friend Amanda and manged to have an adventure of a night.  It started with having a jerk of a cabbie take us there.  He got lost, even after admitting to us he had a navigation system and turning it on.  He also got mad at me because I wrongly assumed he was married, I mean jeez he's only 27 - Silly Me!!! Momo and DBall taught some teachers how to properly do the 'Box Step' in the bathroom at the Brooklyn bar.  I was no help in this lesson - not only can I not dance, but apparently I can't even do the 'Box Step.'  TEAR! Getting home from DUMBO would've been tricky since no cabs were coming our way, but being the lucky girls we are I spotted an Escalade with a sign saying driver.  I look at Momo, DBall and Amanda - all 3 are up for getting into this car, so we did.  Mr. Escalade Driver tried to prove he was legit by showing us a binder full of bills - in retrospect, I am not quite sure what that meant, but hey, we made it back to NYC in one piece.  Upon arrival we met up with some other friends of mine - MS, CH and MamaC.  I have to assume it was well after 2:30am but the bar was still hopping.  With "some" alcohol in her system Momo convinces the bartenders to allow her to dance on the bar.  She was doing great until the bartenders themselves took over and started doing what seemed to be a choreographed routine involving a chair and a hot dog bun that somehow got shoved into both mine and Momo's mouths.

She met Hank Muscles while we were in DUMBO and went "straight for the juggular" as he likes to say.  Momo is a teeny tiny person and she told HM that his arms were pretty much the same size has hers.  This annoyed him, I thought it was great, especially since I have been known to treat him the very same way.

She wears a necklace that has rings on it, last Saturday she manged to get one of her fingers stuck in the aforementioned rings, TWICE.

On her way to meet me at brunch last Saturday she saw a bunch of police cars lined up near 21st Street and noticed that the street was blocked off.  Being the curious little one that she is, Momo decides to inquire the policeman about what exactly is going on. They make up some story about it being a top secret mission and now she knew about it and should consider buying herself a gas mask.  The true story is there was nothing going on, my little Momo happened to wander past a police station...silly Momo...You're Lucky You're Pretty! :)

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