In case you are interested,the days leading up to yesterday, I am happy to report, were SPAZ incident free. It is possible, according to my beliefs, that I was lucky because I had been an uncharacteristically nice person towards everyone around me. Which leads me to conclude that yesterday was just plain awful because I was not so kind.
I would like to take this opportunity to confess to some of the terrible horrible no good very bad stuff that I did yesterday. But being Jewish, albeit secular, I do take Yom Kippur, my people's most religious day and our 1 DAY of atonement, very seriously, I am left with no choice but to do what Jesus, a Jew, would do and use this blog as confessional.
1. I poked fun at my friend SAL and told him, basically, that he was a SPAZ and that falling off a chairlift is something that Brian Boitano,the greatest olympic skater, would never do.
2. I made way too much fun of the cast of the Jersey Shore.
3. I also hated a little bit too much on the country of Canada.
Now of course I realize that there are natural disasters occurring much too frequently these days, and by no means am I trying to say that my day yesterday is even remotely comparable, but it still effing sucked. Here's what happened in no particular order...
1. I parked my car and then drove it into one of those cement things that are sometimes in front of parking spots so that you can't drive forward.
2. I walked down 1 flight of my stairs with just a bra on - luckily no one saw me.
3. I came a little to close to stepping in what I am pretty sure was human feces during my transfer to the JMZ train from the 6 at Canal Street.
4. I fell walking UP the stairs to my apartment and have a really sexy bruise on my left shin.
5. Sat in more traffic than ever before on the Williamsburg Bridge on my way back into Manhattan after work.
6. I bought a diet coke at Duane Reade - it came to $2.22 - I only had $2.21 and the young man with corn rows gave me an unexpected hard time about the missing penny.
To clear my self of this bad Karma spell and to make my aura glow its brightest yellow I would like to apologize for my harsh words.
SAL - I am sorry for saying you are not as graceful as Brian Boitano. I realize he is g-dlike, almost celestial and that no normal human being can be compared.
Snookie - I am sorry for saying, and not meaning it, that I was going to purchase a "Bump It" so my hair would look like yours.
JWoww - I really do like your clothes, that was honest. Okay fine, maybe it wasn't.
Canada - I'm sorry - for everything.
Please let today go smoother....
To quote my dearly departed Great Grandmother Henrietta Leib (LS do you remember this?)
"There was a little girl, who had a little curlHenry Wadsworth Longfellow. (American poet, 1807-1882)
Right in the middle of her forehead,
And when she was good, she was very, very good,
But when she was bad she was horrid.
She stood on her head, on her little trundle bed,
With nobody by for to hinder;
She screamed and she squalled, she yelled and she bawled,
And drummed her little heels against the winder.
Her mother heard the noise, and thought it was the boys
Playing in the empty attic,
She rushed upstairs, and caught her unawares,
And spanked her, most emphatic. "